A Gentle Reminder

I really appreciate the comments that are posted on my blog (it means I have readers!) but I would really be grateful if you identified yourselves. That's it! Thanks for reading.

The Thirtieth Year

It was my birthday last week. I turned thirty. It was strange. I expected to feel like time is running out. I expected to feel like I should regret a whole lot more the things I have left undone. I expected to feel, well, old. Instead I feel I've accomplished something. God knows what that is of course but there you go.

It's strange. There is now only one way the word "young" can be associated with me and it's only when used to contrast or compare with someone (or something) older. I used to be skeptical when people would crow about being 30; about how much better it is than even being in their twenties. I snorted in contempt. Now standing where they are, I begin to see what they mean. And it isn't something I can share with someone younger; you'll just have to wait and see.

Thirty is my new magic number. I'm in love with it. Let's see how I feel once the honeymoon is over. In the meantime, this is our song and we've got to dance!

I'm in Hell

Okay so I've been checking out these online tests. Some are kind of fun.
This is the second time I've taken this test. I've improved, I used to occupy the 7th Level of Hell.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Global Test

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 53% Stability 73% Orderliness 46% Accommodation 43% Interdependence 83% Intellectual 83% Mystical 83% Artistic 90% Religious 30% Hedonism 10% Materialism 90% Narcissism 90% Adventurousness 36% Work ethic 36% Self absorbed 56% Conflict seeking 50% Need to dominate 50% Romantic 36% Avoidant 36% Anti-authority 50% Wealth 16% Dependency 36% Change averse 16% Cautiousness 70% Individuality 70% Sexuality 90% Peter Pan complex 36% Physical security 23% Physical Fitness 10% Histrionic 16% Paranoia 43% Vanity 43% Hypersensitivity 36% Female cliche 16%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test

personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.

trait snapshot:
rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful

Found this site and since I like taking psych tests, decided to take it and posted the results.

Goodbye Estrella

I lost a mother a couple of months ago. This woman raised me and meant as much to me as the woman who birthed me. She died because her cancer came back and didn't want to "bother" us by telling us that it did. I am so angry at her for that. I am angry that her concern for us took her away from us forever. I am angry that she never gave me the chance to take care of her, as she had always taken cared of me. I am angry that from now on I have to refer to her in the past tense.

I regret that I will never bring her into my house and show her the room I would've set aside for her. I regret that I will never argue with her again about having kids to take care of me in my old age. I regret that she went back to Escalante, she should've never left us in the first place, even if it was the "right" thing to do at the time; because I know that she was happier with us no matter what she said.

I feel sorry for you. For those of you who never met her, those of you who were never at the receiving end of her warmth, generosity, and love. I feel sorrier for those who did know her, because they only got a fraction of she gave me and my family.

I am thankful that I was there at the last. I am thankful that I got a chance to take care of her, even if it was only for four days. I am thankful for whatever it was that made me travel to Escalante four days early to pick her up; if I had waited I would've been too late. I am thankful that she made us her life and was content with us. I am thankful that she considered me her son and was proud of me and loved me; even if I never agreed to her plan that I should marry and have kids. I am thankful that in the end, she had her kids come in and take care of her, just as she would've wished. I am thankful that I had the chance to tell her I love her and that she didn't need to take care of me anymore (liar) so she can rest. I am thankful that even in the end, true to form, she made it easy for us and took away the choice of having to put her in the charity ward because we could no longer afford to keep her in her private room.

I didn't cry when my Yaya died. I didn't cry when we brought her body back to Escalante and buried her. I had to get control of myself when I drove her to the hospital that Wednesday and I've been in control ever since. I told myself I'd let myself go crazy after the funeral since there was no one to take care of things. I didn't. Now that I finally got the nerve to write this, I'm finally letting myself grieve for her. I am thankful to her for that, too.

I miss my Yaya.