An Exercise in Frustration

Continuing my list of excuses why I don't blog often, I bring you Excuse #2: My Sodding Internet Connection SUCKS!

Eloquent I know.

I can't connect to anything. Not true, if I couldn't I wouldn't be able to type in this blog. I can connect to myyahoo.com but not to yahoo mail. I can connect to this site and type in a blog but for some reason I can't connect to my blog itself. The list goes on and on. The thing is, dsl ain't cheap here so everytime I can't connect, I feel like I'm being cheated. The whole point about getting dsl is so I can connect anytime I want to, well I want to now and I can't!

I wish there was a way to throw a tantrum online. I can't even fuck around with the customer service operators because they wouldn't know how to fix my problem and if I piss them off, they might not even let the techs know that I have a problem! What really sets me off is that no one seems to understand why this happens. This isn't the first time, and no one has ever given me an explanation why this happens and why they can't seem to fix it. "That's the way it is" and "Everything looks fine at our end" just doesn't cut it anymore and it's getting old really fast.

While I'm ranting, let's throw in the power problems we've been having. The way I understand it, we supply power to Cebu and Iloilo. So if we have a surplus of power, enough to sell it to other provinces, why are we getting blackouts? Why do we keep getting power surges? And why can't we charge the power company the repair fees that we have to pay everytime an appliance blows because the power company can't seem to control itself? And is it true that Iloilo and Cebu pay lower than we do, and the power comes from us?

I understand that most people skim off the top because life is hard and everyone needs to live. I can live with that. But skimming so much from the top that you screw everyone else, fucking around now and giving no thought about whether or not you can even fuck around in the future is not only illegal it's stupid. People are so caught up with the short term, getting what they want today, they don't realize that they'll starve tomorrow.

My ethics and principles are flexible. You can say that I subscribe to moral relativity. I can understand, and sometimes even secretly applaud, someone who manages to beat the system or manage to jump through a loophole to get ahead. What I can't condone is stupidity. Stealing an extra golden egg from the golden goose without getting caught is okay, if you were bright/talented enough to do it then you probably maybe even deserve it. But cutting the goose open so you can get five golden eggs now ought to blast you and your children's souls to the darkest, deepest, coldest pit in hell. It's one thing to get ahead of the game, it's another to screw everyone else in the process.

I don't know how ranting about my lousy internet connection led to a discussion about my morality but there you go. I may not always agree with everyone else, I may not always do things that are for the greater good but at least I won't let you starve so I can buy a lousy comic book.

Inspiration Struck Me at the Right Time, Wrong Place

There are times I wish I was connected to the computer. The strangest thoughts and ideas pop in my head at the most inconvenient times (in relation to getting them on my blog).

I was just planning to write my next entry and ignore the fact that my blog has been inactive for five months. I thought if I had to explain myself everytime I don't write in, half of the entries here would be explanations of what is essentially the laziness at the core of my being.

So here is Excuse #1: Inspiration Struck Me at the Right Time But at the Wrong Place. Let's see how many I can come up with.

For those of you who have been following my life, I've essentially finished the academic requirements for my Masters Degree in English. I only have two more requirements: pass the comprehensive exam, of which I am nervous about; and write my thesis, of which I am frustrated about.

The comprehensive exam covers practically everything I took up on this course and I'm afraid I won't pass it. I'm actually going to hire a tutor to help me review for it. My fear isn't completely unfounded. The subjects which the exam would focus on are subjects I took close to three years ago.

The thesis is going to be a pain. My professor keeps leading me to write one on Ilonggo poetry. I'm resisting this because poetry is not one of my strengths and I've always been embarrassingly uninterested in local literature. My interests have always lain westward. So I'm trying to find a thesis that will get me my degree but one I would actually, if not enjoy doing, at least finish.

Teaching is what I'm doing and what I want to do "when I grow up." Dad proposed this project to the NCAA that I really, really, really want to be a part of. Fortunately everyone's fired up about it that it will probably see fruition soon. Unfortunately everyone's so fired up about it that they all want to be a part of it. Space is at a premium. Even nepotism (a system I despise unless I'm the beneficiary) won't help me here!

I'm being purposely mum about the project because I don't know if I should be talking about it and I believe that if you talk about something before it gets a chance to get its feet wet, you jinx it.

As for the rest of it, my life I mean, it's routine. I was originally going to write "tedious" but I refuse to label my life negatively since I'm solely responsible for it. If I admit that my life is tedious, I'll have to face the fact that I'm not doing anything about it. Denial may be an unhealthy way to deal with life but right now I'll take anything that works.

Tomorrow morning Mom is leaving for Manila to be with my niece on her birthday. I'll have the house to myself. Yes, that is an evil grin you can feel emanating from the screen.

Tedious my ass!

The Scatholic Church, par deux

Jan baby this is for you.

The Catholic Church was not established by Christ himself! First of all, the Bible as we know it was put together by St. Jerome as ordered by the Emperor Constantine 200 years after Christ's death. So, technically, the "Catholic Church" did not even exist yet.

One of the problems I have with most devout Catholics is their insistence on equating God with their Church. If you look down on the Church, you look down on God. If you criticize the Church, you criticize God. I am not apprehending God and His will (or whatever). I have no contention with God. It's the Catholics I can't stand -- no offense. And yet you also say that it's a human institution so it's allowed to make mistakes. You can't have it both ways.

I don't mind inconsistencies in a religion too much, that's what creates the mystery. However, there is a fine line between inconsistency and hypocrisy. And it is a line that the Church has crossed many times.

A woman can be a saint and the mother of God but she can't be a priest? That's not an inconsistency that's what we call a double-standard.

"No man is to have sexual relations with another man; God hates that." Leviticus, 18:22 (a rather mild version you must admit) and this is the backbone of the Church's stand against homosexuality yet on the same chapter it also states not to have sex with a woman during her monthly period because she is ritually unclean. Does the Church still believe a man who had sex with a woman during her monthly period an abomination? Does the Church still consider a woman who is experiencing her monthly period unclean?

The incapacity of the Church to change is not something that should be applauded but questioned. The world changes, people change, ideas change; one hundred years ago Africans were considered sub-human; two hundred years ago a British(?) vicar postulated that by going by the Bible the Earth was created around five (or seven tops) thousand years ago; a thousand years ago people thought the moon was a lamp hung in the sky. Things must change otherwise they become stagnant, static.

I also believe that there were good reasons why certain doctrines were espoused but these were created hundreds of years ago. I also believe that the world we live in now is so vastly different from the one before that these doctrines must be reexamined to see if they are still relevant.

To steal your argument, I guess I just prefer to keep an open mind rather than flat out accept a doctrine of faith just because it's traditional.

And I categorically refuse not to use my intelligence when I deal with things especially with regards to religion and faith. It's people who blindly follow their faith and choose not to think who strap explosives to their chests and set it off in crowded malls. It's people who blindly follow their faith who perform genital mutilation on 13 year-old girls in Africa. It's people who blindly follow their faith who think that those that don't follow their faith are damned and so their lives aren't worth anything.

By the way, birth control means control. When the population spikes on either end (overpopulation, negative population) then there is no control.

I did not give up my faith, just my faith in the Catholic Church. The dogmatics of the faith make-up the Catholic Church. It's what makes it different from the Anglicans, the Episcopalians, the Methodists, the Mormons. It's why people choose to belong in different religions because they cannot agree with the dogma of the other religions.

"What does the beliefs of the dogmatics in the Church have anything to do [with] your faith?" Nothing. I believe with or without the dogmatics of the Church. I just don't agree with them. I'm not like you Jan, I have to love or at least like the institution I'm a member of and I have to agree with their tenets.

The Scatholic Church

I was going to respond to Jan on the comment page in my last entry but my reply, as usual, got pretty long so I pasted it here instead.

Jan, there is absolutely no error in my logic. Granted I'm sometimes irrational, but I'm never illogical (case in point, please note that the previous statement is irrational yet not illogical).

I haven't given up on my faith, just the expression of it, which was Catholic. Catholicism is the church or the way people worship. Protestants and Catholics are all believers, like me, but how we believe and how we practice those beliefs are different.

I don't think Catholics worship the Church, Jan. I'm sure that's not what you meant and where, oh where, in my last entry did I ever imply that I did? Or that I believe that I do?

I honestly believe that Catholocism is the most beautiful of the Christian sects (or maybe the Anglican, depending on how Austenish I'm feeling on a given day). But how can I allow myself to be part of something, no matter how beautiful, which rejects what is so fundamental about me?

The Catholic Church believes I'm an abomination. No ifs, ands, or buts. I may be kinky but I'm definitely not a masochist. I 'm not going to be a part of any sect who thinks that no matter what I do -- save the world, donate to charity, save lives, educate the masses, feed the hungry, clothe the poor -- I'm still damned because I like men. And their reason and justification for it is so lame. One diddly line in a book so far back in the Old Testament, that I'm sure even Jesus would've thought it weak. And to add insult to injury, all the other diddly lines in that book they ignore as "old-fashioned", "barbaric" or "not in keeping with the times". And add hypocrisy to the list as well, I wouldn't blame the Church if their priests molested little boys -- that's the failure of the priest, not the Church -- but they helped cover up these crimes! And I'm the abomination?

I will consider going back into the fold once the Church acknowledges it made a dire booboo. But you know what? It's okay if they don't. I don't need them to tell me what my relationship with the Old Man is like (oh by the way, He says "hi" and not to worry, you're not going to Hell with what you did last Thursday...however if you don't get absolution for Mar 15's dirty little prank he'll sic the Pope of Bacolod on you).

By the way, I disagree with you, the Catholic Church is NOT sound. Aside from the gay issue there are two things off the top of my head that I have problems with the Church. One is why won't they ordain women as priests? It's misogynistic! Granted despite my fruitiness I can be a chauvinistic asshole at times but come on! We have women who decide whether people live or die (as doctors, world leaders), we have women putting their lives in the line of fire (either as cops, firefighters or even soldiers), we have women in charge of some of the most powerful institutions in the world (in business, politics, entertainment etc), we have women breaking athletic records, they'll put women in charge of the next generation of humanity but they won't let them marry a couple? Or baptise a baby? Or oversee last rites? No reason in the world can justify excluding half of the friggin' population from the priesthood. Funny thing, the Muslims don't have women clerics either.

The other is the issue of birth control. Let's ignore for a moment their impact on the rest of the world, just here in the Philippines. I just read this in Time. Did you know that 30% of Filipinos are not aware that sex leads to pregnancy? And that we have one of the highest birthrates in the world? 4000 babies are born everyday. Wrap your head around the figure for a minute...f o u r t h o u s a n d. And the Catholic Church won't have us do anything about birth control. It's inhuman.

I look at the Church, as well as the other Christian Cults (hehehe) with the same eye an anthropologist or historian would when reading about or discussing the cults of Odin and Zeus. "How fascinating! And what a rich literary source! Think of all the stories and literary archetypes one can cull from this!"

So you see, I have considered this. I know I sound flippant, but just 'cause I act like a flibbertigibbet, doesn't mean I make major decisions lightly.

(I just love taking potshots at the Church, it's such a big target and they make it so easy!)

So join the Dark Side, Jan. It's waaaaaaaay more fun.